Sprinkled thoughts and sleepless nights
Tossing dreams that roll with words unkind
Hearts and hopes furiously left undone, once escaped, forever gone
S0 curiously fragile those pressed memories we carry in our minds
What was real and what was not?
Inconsequential stories of the breath of love and when it is lost
~Alisa Hutton
Delivered in gesture
Kind words wrapped in poetic dance
The melt in your single glance
How your genuine smile brightens my way
Laughter and timelessness, the romanticism of our simple summer day
A soft touch when my heart called for nurture and care
Pressed memories of love between pages that never go away
Eyes that see magic, captured moments and all the precious details of life
An extended hand lifting me up the times I needed it the most
The judge of none, the ask of neither, the lover of one
A chosen soul that captured what is my purest form and honors it with continued dignity and grace
In my heart, forever
A love held for you in a special place
~Alisa Hutton
A noun or a verb
The difference between the two?
What is said and what is true
-Care
There is a quiet voice inside of me I wish could be heard
Inner whispers of a raw hearts hope
Perplexing, too tender to speak and too loud to ignore
In passing moments my quiet voice is kept on wait
An arm’s length away from authentic
It curiously feels as if a leaf tenderly falls from my tree
Leaving empty spaces deep in my roots and little pangs of hurt in my soul
Wishes drifting in the wind
In those who choose not to speak
In silence, nothing ever takes hold
-silence
~Alisa Hutton
A widening dull gap between flat action and an exposed soul
Empty space that gathers between silence and vulnerability
Trepidation swallowing emotion without care to savor any taste
The flicker of a flame fighting for air
Fingertips barely touching
The heart that will soon be out of reach
The impotence of connection
-distance
~Alisa Hutton
An island of sadness inhabited by one. The sun no longer seems to rise here or bring a new day. Darkness and silence the only companion to give you warmth. Platitudes arrive on the shore. A message in a bottle from those who feel so far away. I have run the island for months on end in panic and desperation for signs of life, a genuine soul who offers compassion and care. The only thing I seem to find is the reflection of my heart slowing in beat from a lifetime of wear. I often wonder does any of it matter. Will I one day just quietly accept this island stay. Perhaps the learning is accepting the reality and allowing it all to slip away.
-isolation
~Alisa Hutton
Every line and scar I wear and the things you see in my eyes when I do not speak tell a story that is called “my life”. Those who care to know will show gentle curiosity and those who don’t were never meant for my soul. Unsolicited advice is rarely offered in love. Simply the words from those who believe in judgement that my destination is their entitled road. I have fallen like the rest with deafening and heart breaking thumps. I offer thanks. I deeply cherish the rare who helped me stand back up when I was down. I walk with humility and extend the love I wish to know. To think my behavior and care I do or do not show does not affect the world around me would create stagnant flow. Today, I understand the importance of letting my true heart being felt and shown. I wake up scared as there is so much I do not know. This is life and the fabric that will make you whole. I have been blessed to have known love and even if it doesn’t show up it is the direction I choose to go. Criticism is for those with holes in their buckets and are not mine to repair or fill. Their field is theirs. Plant your seeds and care for them if you want them to grow. Time offered in trust, respect and care is the key to my heart. My instruction manual is as follows; be genuine and open and we’ll be all right. I have been around long enough to see the raw workings of life. The nectar of happiness, live with a kind heart and gentle eyes.
-maturity
~Alisa Hutton
Empty spaces that do not bind in connection in a wish to know. A quiet departure unannounced or mindfully shown. An observation simply wrapped that the desire to stand with and beside is not something the pictures show. Like fabric with over stretched thread relationships will either tear apart or be lovingly strengthened and sewn. If love is aloof and never felt the inevitable journey is to walk alone. A plant that is not cared for will always wither regardless of the quality of your soil. History knows unseen emotions and the heart unfed grows plastic connections and lonely souls. Silence and distance; everything needed to quietly go. The crux of connection. Vulnerability, only for the brave who dance comfortably in the unknown.
–detachment
~Alisa Hutton
You asked me to write you a love letter. This probably isn’t going to be what you were expecting. You see I can’t and won’t write you a love letter in the way you want. I can’t write or say anything that will authentically fill you up and bring light to your darkest corners like you can.
Of course there are many things I could say about you and for you. I do love you and because I do I will not let anyone be responsible for your happiness, except you. You see, I don’t ever want me or anyone else to hold the key to your happiness. I hope you understand. I want to be assured that when people walk out of your life (and they will) that you will remain happy because that is what you are, happy.
You are a good person, kind, generous, spirited, funny, intelligent and beautiful inside and out. I know this. These are some of the many reasons why I love you. Whether you know it or not your laugh, smile and warmth light up people around you all the time. I wish for you to be able to feel that in yourself as the rest of us have had the honor to.
My love letter to you, is that I hope you always see your beauty and worth. I hope you cherish it by living a good, genuine and meaningful life, whatever that looks like for you. I hope you feel love. I hope you give love. I hope you can find something to smile and laugh about every day. I hope your spirit stays strong, as you are.
I wish I could protect you from the hard, sad, empty and painful times. I can’t though. I am telling you this because I love you. I want you to know though you will be okay, you will be better than okay. You are solid, your heart is good and you are made to be happy. The difficult times will pass, they always do.
I wish I could write you a love letter that would keep you warm, safe and happy for the rest of your life but I love you too much to sprinkle you with words of flattery. All the love letter you need is already inside of you, always has been and always will be.
This is my love letter to you.
~Alisa Hutton
A smooth stone held humbly in my hand
Rubbing it in nurture against my now lined palm
I hold this part of my past in solid form
One of many rocks that once filled my warm pockets
How easily the weight sunk me to the bottom of the ocean
I recall the murky waters as I sat on the sea bed floor
The pain I felt as the salt stung my eyes trying to see a glimmer of care and compassion
How I squinted in to the open nothing and found everything
As the sun set that day, as the moon pulled the tide
The sand that was tossed with fraught in to my waters settled in to my soul
My hands had always been free to empty my life of your rocks
Weight that they carried with intentions to sink replaced with light spirits
I came to understand the rocks you left in my pockets never deserved space or hope
My gratitude will always extend to you for the day I learned to rise to the top and effortlessly float
~Alisa Hutton
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